Timing and chances in between love and losses
I fearlessly tried moving forward with every piece of my brokenness to never get stuck in ambiguity again. I wasn’t looking for anyone to help me… but then you came.
Right when I was in rage about love just a week before I met this guy, a twist of fate perhaps paved its way to lead us to something that took us for quite a long time to define. I used to refuse any invitations that might lead to any kind of romantic attachments after what I have gone through. I used to want someone so bad and forgot to save rooms for my own benefit. I used to believe to fantasies I only created in my own world. Until then, we can really never find conclusion till we go outside of our comfort zones and take risks.
A little rewind.
About a year ago, I had a serious relationship but things didn’t turn out the way we thought it supposed to be and too much chaos led me and my ex to end the relationship. I had a quest for what my heart truly longed for that I even chased a man I thought was enough for me to settle for great love. Bittersweet goodbyes, un-following of social media accounts, and treating each other again as strangers were just few of the harsh realities happening at the end of any relationship. The cruel yet funny thing I realized while moving on is that we’re grieving too much about someone’s loss in our life while that person is still alive.
Anyway, I do not want to prolong and incorporate this story with my past regrets and heartaches...
This is all about me and this guy who suddenly came in an unexpected time and situation. The person who I met at his worst and the person who had me when I was at my knees looking for clues, missing pieces, and answers for mysteries that haunted me for years.
You might be starting to raise one of your eyebrow and might think this is again just a story about a bliss in love that bloomed only from the sudden struck of taking a new dating experience in a new situation with the new person. I can admit that yes, everything between me and this guy started with all those sudden gush of everything- emotions, choices, decisions and a huge wave of confusions. I may not be the only person here on earth who experienced the usual mind over heart battle and the irony of meeting the right one at the wrong time but I still took the courage to share my personal take on this kind of madness I am now dealing with. I wasn't taking everything seriously at first. Or , just when I thought I would never think of anything in between deeply... and meaningfully as I went slowly with the flow of it.
I was at the verge of holding on to my past. His heart was freshly wounded. Undeniably, we’re both dealing with a broken heart at the exact time and situation we first met.
Our brokenness may be the reason of our connection.
The first month was quite a madness I can say. We spent time talking to each other almost every day. We’ve been conversing about our past, the mistakes we think we’ve done, and all the shitty heartaches we went through. We've been to different places already and constantly talking about everything under the sun for weeks that we even connected to our humours eventually and laughed endlessly.
I then started to wonder where this connection leading us does.
I was given a vast of advises from people who sees our connection not healthy since we started treating each other more than just friends. He just recently got out from a relationship. The timing wasn’t right and I must guard my heart they say. My mind was getting confused every day yet my heart screams for another chance... a chance at love even still in pain.
Maybe then, to live and to love is all about taking risks. You’ll never find out and you’ll never move till you get there halfway or at the end of every journey. I decided to trust his consistency more than my intuitions. I trust his intentions for words don’t really matter than what is being felt. He always make me feel secure. He gave me back all the confidence I lost in my heart.
Since I met him, everything suddenly makes sense.
He came at the very strange time in my life yet I see all the chances and hopes I asked for in him. He suddenly popped out from somewhere when I was at my weakest carrying a heavy heart and living a confused life. We both have stumbled to different kinds of heartaches and realizing someone suddenly came and chose to stay by your side makes me weak... the kind of weakness that uplifts your soul.
Every time I look at him I see a blissful future making me forget the nightmares of my past. But I still keep on trying to figure out if it really gets easier every day. I sometimes ask myself, why am I still here? Inside my head, I know I have a lot of reasons not to stay but he keeps on giving and showing reasons for me to stay. I once walked out from a relationship I thought it deserves to have it that way only to realize that I did a great mistake. But then this time, I want to see what will happen if I stay.
It could’ve been the situation but not his innate quality. I don’t know if I am the only one seeing the sparkle from each of the fragments of his broken heart. I see them as beautiful pieces torn by someone else. Maybe we could really get that certain connection to someone who’s into the same situation we are into or we had from the past. There, we eventually see ourselves fixing something we didn’t expect to do and some of us surprisingly does it even we, too are in need of that kind of fixing.
I remember I had this tendency to reject before I get rejected again ever since I became numb to same numb-cold-hearted people. I was rejected before and it is essential I guess to guard our heart the time you felt your heart still has the scars of the past and afraid to have it wounded again.
But again, he is consistent. He’s different from what I thought guys would always be.
He gave me beautiful vibes every time we’re together. Slowly, my mind ponders everything between us. He makes me feel I have someone I could lean on when times get rough. He doesn’t mind our differences in life and creatively create ways to align everything. He seemingly turned out to be the best thing I thought I will never have. I still have doubts I know but this time, I am sure of one thing; I would give another chance at love. I was guarding my heart for a long time but at the same time I was also taking so many risks. It was like you still wanted to be safe when you’re about to jump from the 40th floor of a building. Risky it is yet my heart whispers that it’s okay to give it another shot to the right person at the right time.
Timing and chances.
We’re all afraid to settle again for something we believe could only harm us. We fear we might again put ourselves into something we could only have regrets in the end. Most of all, we fear trying because we might again receive the same reason why we were once broken. Maybe then we need to find someone who defines love the same way we define it, someone who knows our worth that they will never intend to waste our time investing to nothingness and someone who values our whole being, accepting us without any doubts, without reservations, and will love us unconditionally.
A little fast forward.
Months passed and the day I thought would never happen came. He voiced out his heart and I came to a realization. I snapped and realized I'm tired of fighting for my delusions that I cried too much hoping someday I wanted to be fought for even just for once. I've been spending time with no definite direction for too long before but with him, I never thought I would do something I never did in the past. I wanted to stop the cycle of heartaches, the cycle of ambiguities and the cycle of spending a life to someone who only annihilates our soul.
Everything happened that moment were all still clear to me.
He was there standing right in front of me holding me and telling me he wants me... to stay... for more years to come. I paused, I stuttered, I felt nothing but the pounding of my heart right at that moment. I told him what I felt with all those confusions between us and that I know where I stand. He told me I don't need to demand for the things that will make us better. He will do his part and I just have to trust him. He was looking at me and through his eyes I felt a fire burning inside me.. then he leaned and kissed me, the kind of kiss I felt I’ve been missing all my life suddenly chasing all my fears away. It was that day I finally had the answers. I have never felt such sincerity from a man until that day.
When you delay instant gratification, you will experience long-term satisfaction as the saying goes. Some endings are suppose to happen with the person you know for so many years then turn out to be the wrong person to start a new beginning with the person we even never thought of meeting in the first place. We really don’t need to have everything all figured out to move forward. Yes it will definitely take some time to cope up but no matter what, love should not be a temporary decision. When the feeling is there, it will be just right there... waiting for someone to burst it out and embrace the full blast of brand new emotions to refill our thirsty souls.
I want the kind of it that lasts. I want it with the last person. I know it would be him.
Some of the great stories were unplanned and some stories were adventure of a lifetime we never expected. I have learned to start writing a new chapter and decided not to create sequels, part 2 or whatsoever continuation of false hopes. He stayed with me just when I was about to lose my grip to great love. He had me hitting with a surprise that something greater might be on its way... maybe not too soon or not too long. Nothing's certain yet time creates each moment possible... every breath, every heartbeat, and every second shared together has something to tell.
And this is our story...
Written By: Hannah Dani
Right when I was in rage about love just a week before I met this guy, a twist of fate perhaps paved its way to lead us to something that took us for quite a long time to define. I used to refuse any invitations that might lead to any kind of romantic attachments after what I have gone through. I used to want someone so bad and forgot to save rooms for my own benefit. I used to believe to fantasies I only created in my own world. Until then, we can really never find conclusion till we go outside of our comfort zones and take risks.
A little rewind.
About a year ago, I had a serious relationship but things didn’t turn out the way we thought it supposed to be and too much chaos led me and my ex to end the relationship. I had a quest for what my heart truly longed for that I even chased a man I thought was enough for me to settle for great love. Bittersweet goodbyes, un-following of social media accounts, and treating each other again as strangers were just few of the harsh realities happening at the end of any relationship. The cruel yet funny thing I realized while moving on is that we’re grieving too much about someone’s loss in our life while that person is still alive.
Anyway, I do not want to prolong and incorporate this story with my past regrets and heartaches...
This is all about me and this guy who suddenly came in an unexpected time and situation. The person who I met at his worst and the person who had me when I was at my knees looking for clues, missing pieces, and answers for mysteries that haunted me for years.
You might be starting to raise one of your eyebrow and might think this is again just a story about a bliss in love that bloomed only from the sudden struck of taking a new dating experience in a new situation with the new person. I can admit that yes, everything between me and this guy started with all those sudden gush of everything- emotions, choices, decisions and a huge wave of confusions. I may not be the only person here on earth who experienced the usual mind over heart battle and the irony of meeting the right one at the wrong time but I still took the courage to share my personal take on this kind of madness I am now dealing with. I wasn't taking everything seriously at first. Or , just when I thought I would never think of anything in between deeply... and meaningfully as I went slowly with the flow of it.
I was at the verge of holding on to my past. His heart was freshly wounded. Undeniably, we’re both dealing with a broken heart at the exact time and situation we first met.
Our brokenness may be the reason of our connection.
The first month was quite a madness I can say. We spent time talking to each other almost every day. We’ve been conversing about our past, the mistakes we think we’ve done, and all the shitty heartaches we went through. We've been to different places already and constantly talking about everything under the sun for weeks that we even connected to our humours eventually and laughed endlessly.
I then started to wonder where this connection leading us does.
I was given a vast of advises from people who sees our connection not healthy since we started treating each other more than just friends. He just recently got out from a relationship. The timing wasn’t right and I must guard my heart they say. My mind was getting confused every day yet my heart screams for another chance... a chance at love even still in pain.
Maybe then, to live and to love is all about taking risks. You’ll never find out and you’ll never move till you get there halfway or at the end of every journey. I decided to trust his consistency more than my intuitions. I trust his intentions for words don’t really matter than what is being felt. He always make me feel secure. He gave me back all the confidence I lost in my heart.
Since I met him, everything suddenly makes sense.
Every time I look at him I see a blissful future making me forget the nightmares of my past. But I still keep on trying to figure out if it really gets easier every day. I sometimes ask myself, why am I still here? Inside my head, I know I have a lot of reasons not to stay but he keeps on giving and showing reasons for me to stay. I once walked out from a relationship I thought it deserves to have it that way only to realize that I did a great mistake. But then this time, I want to see what will happen if I stay.
It could’ve been the situation but not his innate quality. I don’t know if I am the only one seeing the sparkle from each of the fragments of his broken heart. I see them as beautiful pieces torn by someone else. Maybe we could really get that certain connection to someone who’s into the same situation we are into or we had from the past. There, we eventually see ourselves fixing something we didn’t expect to do and some of us surprisingly does it even we, too are in need of that kind of fixing.
I remember I had this tendency to reject before I get rejected again ever since I became numb to same numb-cold-hearted people. I was rejected before and it is essential I guess to guard our heart the time you felt your heart still has the scars of the past and afraid to have it wounded again.
But again, he is consistent. He’s different from what I thought guys would always be.
Timing and chances.
We’re all afraid to settle again for something we believe could only harm us. We fear we might again put ourselves into something we could only have regrets in the end. Most of all, we fear trying because we might again receive the same reason why we were once broken. Maybe then we need to find someone who defines love the same way we define it, someone who knows our worth that they will never intend to waste our time investing to nothingness and someone who values our whole being, accepting us without any doubts, without reservations, and will love us unconditionally.
A little fast forward.
Months passed and the day I thought would never happen came. He voiced out his heart and I came to a realization. I snapped and realized I'm tired of fighting for my delusions that I cried too much hoping someday I wanted to be fought for even just for once. I've been spending time with no definite direction for too long before but with him, I never thought I would do something I never did in the past. I wanted to stop the cycle of heartaches, the cycle of ambiguities and the cycle of spending a life to someone who only annihilates our soul.
Everything happened that moment were all still clear to me.
He was there standing right in front of me holding me and telling me he wants me... to stay... for more years to come. I paused, I stuttered, I felt nothing but the pounding of my heart right at that moment. I told him what I felt with all those confusions between us and that I know where I stand. He told me I don't need to demand for the things that will make us better. He will do his part and I just have to trust him. He was looking at me and through his eyes I felt a fire burning inside me.. then he leaned and kissed me, the kind of kiss I felt I’ve been missing all my life suddenly chasing all my fears away. It was that day I finally had the answers. I have never felt such sincerity from a man until that day.
When you delay instant gratification, you will experience long-term satisfaction as the saying goes. Some endings are suppose to happen with the person you know for so many years then turn out to be the wrong person to start a new beginning with the person we even never thought of meeting in the first place. We really don’t need to have everything all figured out to move forward. Yes it will definitely take some time to cope up but no matter what, love should not be a temporary decision. When the feeling is there, it will be just right there... waiting for someone to burst it out and embrace the full blast of brand new emotions to refill our thirsty souls.
I want the kind of it that lasts. I want it with the last person. I know it would be him.
Some of the great stories were unplanned and some stories were adventure of a lifetime we never expected. I have learned to start writing a new chapter and decided not to create sequels, part 2 or whatsoever continuation of false hopes. He stayed with me just when I was about to lose my grip to great love. He had me hitting with a surprise that something greater might be on its way... maybe not too soon or not too long. Nothing's certain yet time creates each moment possible... every breath, every heartbeat, and every second shared together has something to tell.
And this is our story...
Written By: Hannah Dani
Comments
Post a Comment